y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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