Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
