Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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