I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
