Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize