Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
