Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
