I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
