Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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