i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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