Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
