I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
