people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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