I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
