I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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