he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
