I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
