WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
