I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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