White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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