I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
