Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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