I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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