Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
