So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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