I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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