sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You are a genius and a whore.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
