Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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