I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
