apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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