I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
