She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
