Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
