alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
