plz talk dirty to me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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