I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
