i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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