Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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