So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
