He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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