obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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