I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
