I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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