i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
