I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
