Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize