Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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