Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
