Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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