bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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