And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
