Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
