WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
