and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
