Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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