I like to think it a success when the cops are called
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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