So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
