i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
