so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
