I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Im part way to drunk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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