he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
