my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
