pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
