When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
