why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
