Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You ruined the universe
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
