No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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