Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
