I just saw a hot homeless man
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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