at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
