he wants to bone in the snuggie
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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