There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
