One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
