Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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