at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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