I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
