My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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