Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
