fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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