I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize