I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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