I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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