I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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