R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
