i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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