They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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