I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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