I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
