Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
