first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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