I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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