actually, I'm a sock model
I puked a lego.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
