The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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