I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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