There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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