The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
