i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
