these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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