So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
