I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
