Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
