Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
