i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
