How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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