Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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