I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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