it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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