Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
