She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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