we have pet lesbian snakes
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
