1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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