Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
