dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
