Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
