im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
40s are totally the cure
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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